


Aye Aye, Captain Obvious

by TiredRazzberry



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dysfunctional Family, Family Dinner, M/M, somehow fluffy even though it's the Greyjoys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3492737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredRazzberry/pseuds/TiredRazzberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theon makes an important dinner time announcement to his family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aye Aye, Captain Obvious

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Everything belongs to GRRM.

Supper time in the Greyjoy home had two varieties: it was either rowdy and loud with Theon’s family, save for a few, loudly—and quite often, drunkenly—retelling that day’s exploits and laughing about it with mouths full of Mom’s delicious home cooking. Or it could be quite, subdued, and full of tension. All it would take was one knocked over glass of whiskey while reaching for the salt or chewing too loudly and someone would be set off, thus triggering a giant screaming match between the family that usually left everyone stomping in the direction of their room or preferred sulking ground except for Mom, who’d usually just sigh miserably and go call her brother for moral support. 

That was the Greyjoy family for you—their own matriarch had to call in moral support to get through an evening. 

That’s why Theon had Robb on speed-dial—not that he hadn’t been before, but tonight Theon had decided to bring his phone down with him to dinner, so he’d be ready to call or text Robb ASAP if anything went wrong. It was a big risk considering Balon and Alannys’ united front on the “no fucking cell phones at the fucking dinner table” policy. If someone caught him with it and ratted him out, a likely scenario, he’s be forced to watch Balon or one of his brothers drop it in a glass of rum—Theon was going to need all the moral support he could get tonight. 

That night, Alannys served up mackerel with salad—something only she, Asha, and Theon touched—and coleslaw. Of course, Theon’s older male relatives and sister were quick to beat him to the good fish, and they hardly left him any coleslaw when the bowl was somewhat reluctantly passed his way. At least there was plenty of salad though. After everyone’s plates were full, the mood was set for that evening’s meal. 

Maron loudly boasted the size of the fish he’d caught while out on the water that day. He had a picture on his phone to prove it, too, and said he'd show it to them all later. In the mean time, he used his hands to give a rough estimate of the size of his trophy. Aeron scoffed, saying he’d caught a fish twice that size when he was even younger than Maron. Rodrik then made a crack about how hard to was to imagine that once Aeron had done anything besides sit on the beach and pray. Victarion and Mom simultaneously snapped for him to be more respectful since Aeron was a priest of the Drowned God. Then it was Euron’s turn to make a wise-crack, thus igniting Aeron’s wrath. 

Theon sat in the middle of the table, across from Asha and next to his mother, and next to his brothers as well unfortunately. He remained silent throughout most of the meal, until Rodrik reached over and stole the last of his mackerel and snidely commented on how quiet he had been. 

It was as good a time as any to get it over with. 

Theon set down his fork and heaved a sigh, mentally preparing for the worst—he’d already pre-packed a dufflebag in case he was disowned on the spot—and stood up. His family went dead silent and looked up at him with varying amounts of confusion and curiosity. 

“What’re standing for, boy?” Balon asked gruffly, setting his fork down as well.

“I have something to say,” Theon said. 

“Well get on with it then.” Maron snapped, bringing his glass of rum to his lips.

“Fine…I’m gay.” 

Maron did a spit take, spraying rum all over uncle Aeron, who glared at him furiously as he picked up a napkin and started wiping his face clean of liquor and spit. Maron was the only one to have such a reaction. The rest of his family simply stared up at Theon boredly. 

“That’s it?” Asha asked as she leisurely sipped at her own gin. 

“Well…” Theon paused a moment, wondering briefly what the watery Hell was going on. “I’m also dating Robb Stark.” He answered.

“Aye, aye, Captain Obvious.” Rodrik said with an eye roll as he impaled a stolen piece of mackerel on his plate and bit into it. 

Theon stared at his family with befuddlement.

Alannys was smiling at him in that supportive, happy way she did when she was actually happy and not dealing with her chronic depression, Balon seemed agitated but no more than usual. Asha and Rodrik seemed downright bored with the topic. And his uncles Euron and Victarion seemed impassive. Only uncle Aeron gave him a scowl—no wonder since homosexuality wasn’t exactly smiled upon by the Drowned God—and Maron who was gaping like that fish he caught earlier at him. 

“You…You all knew already?” Theon asked hesitantly. Everyone just kind of shrugged. 

“I knew when you were six, sweetling.” Alannys said. Beside her, Balon muttered something about having lost hope when he was fifteen and caught him staring at one of Rodrik’s friend’s ass. 

“I figured it out when you made friends with Stark.” Asha stated matter-of-factly.  
“Same.” Victarion said. 

“Only an idiot couldn’t see it.” Euron said, knocking back a shot of whiskey. 

All eyes went to Maron, who was still gaping like a fish. 

“Am I the only one who really didn’t know?” He asked. 

“Of course not, Maron,” Asha cooed mockingly. “Theon probably didn’t even know until last week.” 

Theon gaped at his sister. “How did you—!?”

Asha laughed.

“You and Stark are really loud.” She said with a smirk.

**Author's Note:**

> Theon is actually bi, but he figured saying that instead of gay would only complicate the whole 'coming out' thing. He'll clarify things somewhere down the line, I imagine, at least with Asha and his mother. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
